Again I Look at Myself

When the facade and superficiality of material life gets too much,  our sights again turn to something soulful. We seek a more authentic existence, where we can be ourselves and pursue higher spiritual states. Getting real we might join a yoga class, pick up on meditation,  head back to the church, or as I did, step completely out of life and join the Hare Krishna movement.

No matter what we do to address the vacuum and lack of purpose, in due course we reestablish an identity and self-image that must again be outgrown in due course.  Growth is never easy and more than often it chips away at whatever solid image we have created of ourselves. It must.

The cracks begin to show, the crisis arrives, the people are not amused, the rug is pulled from beneath our feet. And in those moments of feeling shamed, let down by destiny or the gods, or just having a bit of bad luck,  these are the forewarnings, that I am more. What I thought to be expected of me, what I assumed to be the perfect behaviour and image, now no longer sustainable, must be shed for what is more real. Again I may look at myself, let go, be honest, stop the games I am playing and embrace more of my soul.  It's a happier place though I'm always far less than perfect.

Gauri das


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