the show must not go on

Espoused values and performance, the fate of a preaching movement; 
wherein all exists to preach. 
A landscape of extremities, the good and the concealed.
And therefore the saying 'physician heal thyself'.

What for living the values, a code of life to the core?
And so that when I speak 'I' speak and when I feel 'I' feel.
It is me and not the actor with dead hopes, reconciled to the ugly reality of what I am.
My stage self, who only lives for the performance, outside of which is the unhappiness of home.

Eat, sleep, debate, repeat...doctrines heard but not lived.
The truth of myself denied and compensated for by the compulsive need to save others, to preach...to perform.

The show must not go on, the escapism which enlivens but exists in polarity to my inability to live the creed that I preach.
Beyond my rhetoric and display, I am blind to myself.
And therefore the saying 'practice what you preach',
This show must not go on.

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